Do it perfectly – otherwise you’re worthless?!

How we women are trapped in perfectionism (and how we can free ourselves)

We women often grow up with an invisible mantra:

Be perfect – then you'll be seen. Be strong – then you'll be loved. Make everyone happy – then you'll be good enough.

Many of us learned in childhood:

🌪️Mistakes mean withdrawal of love.

🌪️Feelings make you vulnerable.

🌪️Performance brings recognition.

And we got good at it.

Good at school, good at helping, good at enduring.

So good that at some point we no longer know who we really are – if we don’t function.

Welcome to the age of Instagram & self-optimization

Today we scroll through glossy pictures and perfect morning routines.

We see seemingly effortless mothers, radiant founders, top-styled bodies with affirmations underneath.

And we believe: I should be like that too.

But what we don’t see:

🕳️The tears after the collapse.

🕳️The fear of not being enough.

🕳️The panic of passing it on to our own children.

⚖️Career or kids? It's never "right"

Many women tell me: No matter what I do, it's wrong.

If I have children, I should stay at home.

If I go to work, I'm a bad mother.

If I don't have children, I'm selfish or career-hungry.

If I want both – family and self-realization – it is “irresponsible.”

What is happening here is not an individual failure.

It is a structural contradiction that women feel every day:

We live in a society that tells us we can be anything –

but woe betide us if we really are.

And so an invisible pressure is created that eats into our bodies.

Into our motherhood.

In our partnerships.

In our self-images.

The fear of doing it wrong

Many of the women I work with carry a deep fear within them.

Not just to fail – but to pass on their own wounds.

They want to do everything right so that their children don't go through the same thing they did.

But it is precisely this demand that makes us sick.

Perfectionism is not a strength.

It is often a trauma in a glossy finish.

“If I am perfect, I won’t get hurt.”

– That’s what the child in us believes.

But we are no longer children. We are allowed to heal.

How we get out of the cycle

It begins with a radical act of self-acceptance:

Not better, but more honest.

Not more perfect, but more human.

🌿Let your child experience how to make mistakes – and still be lovable.

🌿Allow yourself to be weak – and still strong.

🌿Show yourself unvarnished – so your child sees: authenticity is enough.

💭Impulses & questions for you:

• When was the last time you tried to be “perfect” – for whom, exactly?

• What voice inside you tells you that you are not enough?

• What role(s) do you still play – even though they no longer suit you?

• What would you forgive yourself for if you embraced your inner child?

• What do you really want to pass on to your child: a perfect role model or a real counterpart?

And perhaps the most important question:

🔸What if you no longer have to fight – but can simply be?

I am convinced:

Our freedom begins where we stop wanting to be perfect.

For us. For our children. For a different future.

If you feel it is time to free yourself from this old story – I would be happy to accompany you.